Thursday, January 17, 2008
I just googled my name and produced lots of copies of it on the screen. I always thought that my name should be unique enough but I didn't expect so many people with the same name. I didn't know what made me do it but I just typed it into this little search box in the middle of the google.com home page anyways. This was after I finally finished 30% of one lovable vectors question after 30 mintues.
I did many stupid things today, and I believe the stupid things I've said must have hurt them alot. But I just couldn't help myself, I know I shouldn't but I still did it and came to regret it so very much after that.I know they care about me but sometimes I just really feel frustrated. It hurts me to see them looking so sad and disappointed but it's just so difficult to open my heart to them. And now I'm feeling really miserable. It's the guilt that's bothering me and I can't seem to shake it away. I think I'm gonna get retribution someday for the bad things I've done.
Mrs Nair died not too long ago. She was my sec 1 geography teacher and she was really a great teacher. I remember her vividly because I had been the geog rep and I remember my geog grades falling drastically after she left us after teaching for a term. It was really sad because she just died suddenly after taking the wrong medicine. It isn't supposed to happen. She was a great person and she deserved better than this.
I cried when I heard the news. I've been crying alot recently, because of this and alot other things. And I'm totally disgusted by myself whenever I cried, but I supposed it shows the little bit of humanity I've left inside me. I'm a bad person, I hurt people consciously, even when I know it isn't right. Now I can only drown my sorrows in homework.
Nini @ 9:31 PM