Monday, March 23, 2009
it's the latest
pardon my backwardness, but i was never able to comprehend the craze over facebook. i have sworn by my toy panda that i shall never touch facebook in my life.
and yet it has became the newest obsession of my mum, ending the enthusiasm with taiwanese news that has lasted for a respectable 3 (or maybe more) years. she used to sit in front of the television and stare at chen shui bian's loathsome face when she comes home from work everyday. now she sits in front of her laptop and commits herself to taking care of her farm. after watering her crops and ploughing her land, she would proceed to visit her buddies' (who in fact, are her colleagues in real life) farms to find jobs. and then she will repeat the process over and over again until she realises that there are nothing else to do except to stare at her crops as they grow so nonchalently under her love, care and concern.
and she still lectures me about playing maple?
Nini @ 8:38 PM
Saturday, March 21, 2009
my new television is arriving tomorrow~! woots~!
it shouldn't be that toy television that i dreamt of last night... right?
Nini @ 10:15 PM
Thursday, March 19, 2009
i seriously feel terrible right now. i feel like a naughty little girl that has just done something wicked behind her parent's back; or rather, going to.
what is this feeling in my heart? guilt? or is it burden? it shouldn't be, since i have just finished the things that i should be doing, the things that i had dread doing. i should feel relief, but instead i feel ever more distressed.
i feel like i have just destroyed the path to the life i had wanted. it was a frail wooden rope bridge swinging ominously above a hellish pit, its platforms being constantly eroded by a colony of termites called GP, and i have just incinerated it with a wooden splint. it's just a single tilt of my hands, touch of my fingers, and my dream is cut off from me forever. such simplicity. i have chosen to walk the safe forest path, to keep both my feet on sheltered land, i have not the courage to face the risk of falling into nothingness, the risk i know is so great. i fear nothingness more than despair.
i tried to convince myself that, no matter, the forest is full of precariousness too. right now i may have already become prey to the horrors concealed within the luscious greens of the forest. i have this danger to keep me attentive, so that i wouldn't get lost in the mist. i don't want to become prey, or would i rather? it's a foolish thing, hunting for them to hunt me.
ultimately, i do not care. whether or not i'm the hunter or the hunted, i do not want to be alone.
off-post : you have no idea how sore my butt is.
Nini @ 2:58 PM
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
i have no idea how to describe the kind of anger that i am feeling now. as i type i feel my hands shaking piteously, my fingers banging worthlessly on the keyboard. i am so exasperated i wanna cry, but that would simply aggravate my current emotional condition. i despise the fact that i am giving in to my anger. it is infuriating.
i hate to conform, especially to that disgusting social testimony. i hate people who tries to make me conform. i may be cynical, but the more they do it, the more i come to abhor what they are trying oh-so-desperately to impose on me. i hate it when i am powerless to do the things i want to, to fight for my desires. even the incapability of finding the right words to express myself annoys me; that's probably why i ended up with a damnable D for GP, that D that ruined everything that i could have achieved, everything i had wished for.
what's so interesting about a life that has been planned out scrupulously? i don't want it. i refuse to take the easy way out. i would rather suffer my way to success; this would make it more treasurable wouldn't it? what's the point of living a peaceful and conventional life? life isn't life without it's up and downs. don't claim to know what's 'best for me'. don't try to force upon me your own perception of life. don't compare me to other people and attempt to steer me onto their path of life. it's repulsive. this life is mine and mine alone.
sometimes i don't even think i'm living for myself. everything i do, i do it to satisfy your desires and expectations. i feel like i'm living to serve you and your materialistic thinking. i fear, and i am grossed out by the realisation that i'm changing my mindset just to comply with your vision. i fear i'm losing myself; and now i know i'm not far from it.
i act like i know what i'm doing, just because that's what you want to see. in the end you simply snuff out my efforts with a simple 'you don't know what you're doing'. you have been watching me struggle like some arid joke, haven't you. i have seen how you have always looked at me with that apparent disdain in your eyes. i feel like a fool.
i am, i have to admit, fighting a losing battle. i could never win when the enemy, alas, is striking me down with bits of reality.
Nini @ 9:10 PM
Monday, March 16, 2009
社会.
那是一个不容侵入的灰色地带.
在这个灰色地带里，人们总是容易迷失自己在<它>之中.
渴望的是什么，追求的是什么，
失去的是什么，牺牲的是什么.
应该做的事以及想要做的事，
则不断的混浊，隐秘在<它>那看不清的空间.
人们在欲望的引诱与道德的束缚之间徘徊，
拥有曾经值得骄傲的独立思想是一种令<它>唾弃的罪恶.
想逃也逃不开，那种无形的谴责与鄙视，
终究把自己牵引至一个无形的牢笼，
强制在自己身上，<它>的虚假的协调与顺从，成为心灵上的枷锁，
使自己永远被束缚在这个无法逃离的捆绑.
逐渐地，自己也被幻化成那种无聊的存在，
悲哀的遵循着<它>在自己的精神上刻下的戒律.
因此便踏上了这个灰色的旅程.
眼里看不见任何疑虑，看不见任瑕疵;
视野已经被一层灰色所蒙蔽，看得见的只有<它>的灰色.
灰色，已成为一种必然.
已没有必要去质疑<它>所有的决定于行动.
已经没有必要去向<它>所求任何东西.
因此便与这种灰色融合了.
在这个灰色的地带.
Nini @ 4:33 PM
Saturday, March 07, 2009
<它>就是一个住在世界上的生物.
<它>是比人类都卑贱的生物.
<它>有着跟人类一样的躯体，<它>有着跟人类一样的心.
但是<它>仍然是比人类都卑贱的生物.
<它>是人类所有之丑陋的综合体.
<它>拥有着人类的自私，<它>拥有着人类的虚荣心.
<它>拥有着人类所有的恐惧与无奈.
完美不是<它>的代名词.
因为，
<它>是比人类都卑贱的生物.
即使用心去尝试，<它>依然无法掌握这个世界的生存法则.
即使用心去追求，<它>依然无法拥有这个世界的幸福快乐.
即使用心去改变，<它>依然无法融入这个世界残酷的旋律.
<它>从不拥有任何力量，
因为，
<它>是比人类都卑贱的生物.
<它>不断的付出，希望能够得到一丝慷慨的回报.
<它>不断的牺牲，希望能够得到一次真心的感激.
<它>不断的微笑，希望能够得到一律偶然的思念.
但一切仍是徒劳无功，
因为，
<它>是比人类都卑贱的生物.
<它>无比的渴望着人类的一切.
<它>渴望着关怀，<它>渴望着知心.
<它>渴望着宽恕，<它>渴望着谅解.
但是感受到的依然是无限的沧桑.
因为，
<它>是比人类都卑贱的生物.
<它>试着表现地漠不关心，但却比任何人都害怕寂寞.
<它>试着表现地坚强自信，但却比任何人都脆弱无助.
<它>试着表现地乐观开朗，但却比任何人都容易沮丧.
<它>的生命亦是一个谎言，一个伪装.
因为，
<它>是比人类都卑贱的生物.
<它>不喜欢人类把自己当成一个呼来唤去，方便差遣的生物.
但是<它>愿意忍耐，愿意用一切来换取陪伴.
因为<它>是那么地害怕寂寞.
即使人类无视与<它>的感受;
即使<它>不能理解为何人类要做出如此无情的举动，而这让<它>偶生气愤;
即使<它>的心在倘血，随着流下的每一滴泪;
<它>也愿意承担那份痛苦；
因为，
<它>是比人类都卑贱的生物.
<它>得不到人类得任何同情，接纳，包容，理解.
那虚伪的善意只是人类心血来潮时对<它>的施舍.
即使不甘心，<它>依然虚心接受.
因为，
<它>是比人类都卑贱的生物.
<它>对人类彻底绝望，<它>决定放弃一切追求.
<它>把自己的恐惧与寂寞深埋在心里的无底洞.
<它>把笑容从脸庞抹去，以无情的脸融入路过的人群.
<它>不会再愚蠢地向人类索求任何回应.
<它>已经了解，这个世界没有信任.
<它>以一身的伤痕换取这个真理.
因为，
<它>是比人类都卑贱的生物.
<它>只能诉说这如此悲哀的故事.
因为，
<它>是比人类都卑贱的 那.个.生.物.
Nini @ 9:04 PM
Monday, March 02, 2009
i've been watching alot of MR removed videos nowadays. MR refers to music recorded and in videos that are MR removed you can really hear the REAL singing voice of a singer. [for more information, read about it here (although the writing is partly biased; wondergirls doesn't sound that bad live even though their voices are not that powerful; they're no way as bad as KARA. though it's with the exception of sohee, but you can really tell the sunye has a good voice)] there's no doubt that when some singers sing live, they will tend to rely on backing vocals, especially when their live singing is not as strong as it seemed. backing vocals help them to mask their off-pitchness and off-keyness at some (or maybe all) parts of their singing. for some-other-taiwanese-boyband (whom i shall not name for my own safety) who just-carn-sing-live-for-the-life-of-it, they would simply resort of lip-syncing while posing exuberantly during their performances.
anyway, while through my daily fangirling session, i came across this MR removed video. as expected, sungie sings wonderfully live, but apart from that, lyn's singing is amazing too! how many females singers that sing so awesomely can you find in the chinese music industry? it seems like most of the korean female singers possess this big-o voice that totally dominates (singers like hwayobi; her voice is super rich and soulful!). what irritates me the most is how some chinese females singers merely live with a cutesy image and voice and goes "ai ni!".
i've got to give credit to DBSK though, their live is totally excellent, even with those dancing! of course, all this comes with years of hellish practice that SM forced upon them. but it's much (and i mean MUCH) better than some-other-taiwanese-boyband that only goes for looks alone. in the korean music industry looks are important too, but at least they take care to ensure the audio aspect of a performance is acceptable, not just the visual aspect. imagine making a MR removed video for some-other-taiwanese-boyband. oh my goodness, that would probably lead to permanent impairment of my ears. GODAWFUL. and you have the cheek to call yourselves singers!?
and maybe some-other-taiwanese-boyband has butchered the term boybands, since they make it to give the impression that boybands = groups of attractive males that send fangirls' hormones running wild in their veins. but i'm here to kill off this stereotype, because in korea, boybands are formed with people WITH talent in both singing and dancing (which some-other-taiwanese-boyband lacks miserably), in addition to good looks. look at DBSK, look at SHINEE, look at my darling SHINHWA (all of them victims of SM's torturous training).
Nini @ 12:51 AM