Thursday, March 19, 2009
i seriously feel terrible right now. i feel like a naughty little girl that has just done something wicked behind her parent's back; or rather, going to.
what is this feeling in my heart? guilt? or is it burden? it shouldn't be, since i have just finished the things that i should be doing, the things that i had dread doing. i should feel relief, but instead i feel ever more distressed.
i feel like i have just destroyed the path to the life i had wanted. it was a frail wooden rope bridge swinging ominously above a hellish pit, its platforms being constantly eroded by a colony of termites called GP, and i have just incinerated it with a wooden splint. it's just a single tilt of my hands, touch of my fingers, and my dream is cut off from me forever. such simplicity. i have chosen to walk the safe forest path, to keep both my feet on sheltered land, i have not the courage to face the risk of falling into nothingness, the risk i know is so great. i fear nothingness more than despair.
i tried to convince myself that, no matter, the forest is full of precariousness too. right now i may have already become prey to the horrors concealed within the luscious greens of the forest. i have this danger to keep me attentive, so that i wouldn't get lost in the mist. i don't want to become prey, or would i rather? it's a foolish thing, hunting for them to hunt me.
ultimately, i do not care. whether or not i'm the hunter or the hunted, i do not want to be alone.
off-post : you have no idea how sore my butt is.
Nini @ 2:58 PM